finding the good.

*I want to make a disclaimer before you all start reading my latest post. It might seem to one that I am coming off as complaining or ungrateful in the things I say, but I am merely giving an overview of the past year of my life. I have no intentions of coming off like this, but in case it might seem like that, know that I am very grateful for the life that I have and I am in no way complaining. Sometimes life is hard, I’m just being real. I try to be as transparent as I can with my posts and a lot of the times, you gotta talk about the bad before you get to the good. 
Thank you. 
 
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In 2017 my year ended with the death of my sweet grandma, whom I loved dearly. 2019, my year began with the death of my grandpa (the husband of my grandma who passed away December 2017) who I also loved dearly. 
 
I feel like my family and I just can’t catch a break. 2018 was an especially hard year for all of us. Starting with the death of my grandma, having to make an unexpected trip to Arizona, coming back to Nicaragua and finally starting life and ministry here, getting out of a difficult relationship, finding myself lost not knowing what I need to be doing with my life, committing to going to BBC in the Fall. In April the civil unrest began, then we found ourselves going back to Arizona for the summer (5 months), seriously struggling being back in Arizona, a few really hard friend breakups, and moving yet again. 
 
My life since moving to Missouri and going to BBC has changed drastically. I truly believe that I am not the same person that I was when I started school in August. I have found people who encourage me, make me laugh so hard I cry; these people are the people who will forever be apart of my life. Even through all this good, there was moments of hurt. Fights with friends, figuring out how to live without my parents, learning to live without a car (let me tell ya, this is hard stuff), money problems, struggling with my identity in Christ etc. 
 
When I finally got to come back to Nicaragua in early December and see my family for the first time since mid August, see this beautiful country for the first time since April, I couldn’t have been more relieved. When we left Nicaragua it was very abrupt, being back here for the past month I have gotten closure in areas of my life that I didn’t except to get. 
 
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Through all of this hurt, all the hard times, I always remind myself to find the good. For example, going back to Arizona for my papas funeral. Am I excited about it? Heck no. But am I actively looking for good in this situation? Absolutely. 
 
A few good things about going back to Arizona:  
I get to celebrate my 20th birthday with my friends and my family (it’s Tuesday just in case you were wondering)   
I get to buy a few things for my friends here in Nicaragua that I forgot to bring with me   
I can go to Target with my mom   

	(insert heart eyes here)  
I get to see my besties                            (insert more heart eyes)   
I get to celebrate the life that my papa had and all of the things he accomplished  
 
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I truly believe that God has been walking along side me through all of these things. I know for a fact, that without God and His grace, I would not be where I am today. I say it time and time again, but man, God is so good to me. To my family. The things He has blessed us with, the lives He has given us, I am forever grateful for this. 
 
I can’t imagine living any other life. Although I do not enjoy going through hard times, who does, but what I do enjoy is that I can look back and see all the good that God has done through the hurt.
 
                 ~ God, You’re so good ~