Nicaragua.
Hello my fabulous friends. I have decided to dedicate this update to the wonderful country that God is calling me to. Please enjoy reading this months update.
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When I was a freshman in high school, I went on my very first mission trip. On this trip we worked with the homeless and did a VBS for the neighborhood children. When I got back from the trip, I had never felt more on fire for God in my life. I knew then that God was calling me to missions, I chased that feeling. I didn't want it to ever go away. But eventually it did.
A few months after that feeling left, I met a foreign exchange student. After getting to know her, that passion came back. So I made a new plan. I was going to be a foreign exchange student and share the gospel with the people around me. I didn't care where I ended up, I was going to make it happen. I talked with my parents and they loved the idea. They told me "We will walk and God needs to open the doors if it's going to happen." As time went on, we kept hitting more doors, most of which wouldn't open. After a lot of prayer, we decided that it wasn't something that we could financially do.
That was probably one of the most discouraging times I had ever experienced before. I felt as if I was no longer useful to God. I felt awful. I no longer wanted to chase that feeling, that passion that God had placed in my heart. So, I prayed. I prayed that God would use me. I prayed for an opportunity. I prayed for about a year before I ever got some kind of answer. The answer was Nicaragua.
My brother and I were just hanging out when my parents called us into the living room to talk about something. So they sat us down and told us their news. Their news was, "So we have been praying for years that God would use us and He has finally answered that prayer. We are going to be missionaries to Nicaragua." I didn't even have to think, I knew this is what God had waiting for me. This amazing, wonderful thing that God had waiting for me.
The passion was back. For so long, I never doubted that this is what I wanted for my life. Even better, I knew it's what God has planned for my life. But as time went by, I thought I knew what was best for me. I thought my plans were better than Gods. There was a point last year where I didn't think I could even come to Costa Rica. There was so much fear in me. Fear of losing the life that I had grown to love. Fear of losing my friends.
It took months of counseling for me to work this new fear that had worked itself into my mind. Once I did, there was no stopping me.
One almost earth-shattering thing happened to my family and I right before we moved, I was so ready to call it quits. It was so bad that I was ready to stop going to church. I, in no way lost my faith in God, just in some of his people. People that I was supposed to trust. This particular event is something that I still struggle with everyday. Working through the pain of what happened is a daily thing.
Circumstances and people always seem to try and burn out this fire in me. As angry and hurt as I was, I was not going to let it beat me. I wasn't going to let these things take away the joy I have in the Lord. Through all of these hard times and every low valley, my faith has been strengthened. Even when I was disappointed, I was still working toward something, I just didn't know then that I was working towards Nicaragua.
When I graduated high school last July, I made another new plan for myself. That plan was: number 1. Go to Costa Rica for a year for school. Number 2. Move to Nicaragua about 6 ish months. Number 3. Move back to the US and start college, where ever that might be. Yet again, my plans have been changed.
About a month ago I went back to Nicaragua. This was just a simple boarder trip to get our visas renewed, I was not expecting anything to happen. But God works in very mysterious ways. I came back from this trip full of a new clarity; a new plan. This "new plan" was not my own, this was God showing me what he wants me to do.
It had been so long since I had felt God speak so clearly to me, I think it has been years since it had been that clear. It was something I didn't know I was missing because I can always feel God with me, answering prayers, providing, etc. Once that thought hit my mind, I couldn't shake it. It has been a month and it still brings me to tears every time I think about it or even type I about it. The whole week after coming back, I cried. I cried more than I had in a very long time. I didn't cry about the loss of what I had planned for my future, but I cried about all of the new possibles in front of me.
This time I am determined to not let this feeling get away from me. I absolutely cannot wait to be able to call Nicaragua my home. Costa Rica is a great country, don't get me wrong, but it is not my favorite place. Now that I know Nicaragua is where I'm supposed to be, I am extremely grateful for every moment I get to spend there.
• T-minus 247 days till we graduate from school and then we will move up to Nicaragua in the following weeks. •
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I would like to take a moment to encourage whoever might be reading this. Don't let time discourage you, God really likes using time. As much as I wanted to be a missionary as a freshman, I don't think it would've been as fabulous as it is now. Just remember, God is so faithful. God provides. God puts these passions in us and we should chase them. Run, sprint, as fast as we can. If there are moments when you think you can do it anymore, trust me there will be, just remember that God will always be with you. No matter how alone you feel, God will always be there with you to pick you back up.
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
I know this is probably the longest post I've written, but it's because it's the most exciting. The most shaping thing that's happened to me.
🌵I really enjoy sharing little bits of my life with whoever reads my posts, it means so much to me. I know I'm not good at being up-to-date with my posts, but I wish to be better. 🌵